Babysitting is for Morons and GodGenerals
by sundrymunity
Summary: Asch the Bloody is assigned to take care of a noblewoman's two children. Can he survive the crying, the whining, and the surprise dreck?


Children weren't sweet and adorable. They cried and wailed and complained and Asch didn't like it. Who did Sync think he was, tricking him in taking over a trivial job like this? "Hardest thing you'll face" his ass! If anything, babysitting was the annoying excuse for a training exercise in the world. The redhead crossed his arms as he watched the children play boredly. Their names were something like Tama and Tom or whatever, but Asch didn't care enough to ask the twins. He stifled a yawn and leaned back into the comfortable couch, closing his eyes. A hit on his knee caused him to peek open an eye, glaring at the little girl.

"What."

Teria shuffled nervously, then looked up with her large, brown eyes pleadingly.

"Mr. Asch, would you play with me? My brother is being a meanie and he won't play with me!"

Asch rolled his eyes and leaned forward, hands on his knees a few inches from the child's round face.

"What do you want to play?"

She smiled brightly and grabbed one of his hands, tugging uselessly towards her room. Sighing, he stood and let himself be dragged into the sparkling princess world that was Tara's room. On the ground was a low table and chairs, all but two occupied by stuffed monster plushes. _At least now I know why he didn't want to play_, Asch thought to himself as he sat down on one of the tiny chairs that seemed at its breaking point because of the older boy's weight.

"So, this is it?" He asked, picking up one of the empty tea cups and staring at its flowery designs.

"Uh huh! My brother didn't want to play with me because he's a meaniehead. But you're nice, mister!" Tora said and smiled sweetly at the God-General, fluttering her eyes. Great.

"Being nice has nothing to do with it, kid." Asch said, setting down the pink cup and looking across the small table at her. What the hell had he been thinking, letting himself get cornered into something stupid like this? "So where's your brother anyways?"

She frowned and crossed her arms, pouting slightly.

"He's probably outside with his friends, being _cool_ and _heroic_ like Papa was before he died. But all he's being is a-"

"Meanie, yeah, you've told me so at least _three times _now." Asch's patience was wearing thin with these children, though his mind finally registered the news about the children's father. Maybe he could be a tad nicer to the more behaved one. The brunette picked up the pink flower-printed teapot and "poured" tea into Asch's small cup.

"There you are, Sir Asch! I'll be right back, it smells like the cookies are almost done~" She almost sang, standing and skipping out of the room. Now he was left alone with a liger, a wolf, and some sort of bear staring him down with their unseeing, plastic black eyes. Creepy. Suppressing a shudder, the teen looked around the room, noting the pink _everything_ and the photos of the girl and her father together on the bright dresser. Before he could take a closer look at them however, Tina stomped back into her room with a nose full of green snot and tears streaming down her face. Great, trouble.

"What's wrong? Did your cookies burn?"

She took one look at him and threw herself at him, crying into his shirt as he toppled over from the sudden attack.

"M-my b-b-brother took my cookies a-and smushed-d them unduh-der his feet!" She wailed into his chest, and he awkwardly pet her short hair. Crying children were definitely _not_ his forte, but punishing criminals _was_. He sat up with her in his lap and rubbed her back in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

"You wait here and I'll talk to him, alright? And stop crying, little girls like you shouldn't let your pretty faces get like that." He hoped that she wouldn't take to heart the "pretty" comment, but with obvious love she did, wiping her tears and snot away on her blue sleeves. He picked her up and stood, then walked over the the large bed and set her down.

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

* * *

The boy he was looking for was a bit taller than his sister, but the same brown hair, brown eyes gave him away. Asch frowned as he watched his target kick a red ball to his friends, laughing as they trampled across the ground where the cookies had supposedly been crushed. One of the boys noticed him and stopped, the others following his gaze to the imposing man glaring at them. Tor rolled his eyes over-exaggeratedly and dragged himself over to the crimson haired man, hands stuck in his pockets as he glared up at the tall man.

"What do you want? I'm playin' with my friends."

"You need to apologize to your sister."

He let out a bark of laughter and gave a shit-eating grin.

"And who's gonna make me? You?" He taunted, standing confidently despite his small stature. Asch grabbed him by the arm and dragged him inside the house, the boy's yells for help ignored by his friends. When the door had been closed, the soldier dropped Taro's arm and turned towards him, kneeling down to eye-level with the scoundrel.

"You made your sister very upset by smashing her cookies." He said, gritting his teeth in the effort at being fair with the child nearly a decade younger than he was.

"My sister's a big whiner! She made those cookies and wouldn't share, so we took them and ate them ourselves. We just got rid of the ones she tried to save."

Asch sighed irritably and grabbed the boy by his hair, causing a yelp.

"She's your _sister_, brat, you should learn to respect her while you're still in her good-as-hell favor." He growled, ignoring the boy's cries of pain as he gave him a rough shake.

"I told ya she's nothing but a whiny girl! I didn't even do nothin'!" Tumo whined loudly, and Asch was reminded of a certain moron. He let go of the kid's hair and grabbed his arm again, dragging him to the closed door of Tari's room. Raising a fist to knock, he glanced back at the sniveling mess the boy had become.

"You better have your apology ready, because if you don't I'm going to hit you."

He stiffened and snorted indignantly at the thought of his babysitter punishing him. Asch knocked softly on the flower-decorated door softly, and pushed it open.

"Hey, are you alright in here? I have your brother, and he's ready to say sorry." _Or he better be_, the redhead thinks to himself as he pulls the unwilling child into the room. His sister sits up on her bed, wiping away the renewed tears at seeing her kin and glared at the young boy. He scuffed his shoe on the pink carpet, then looked up angrily at Asch. A smack on the back of the head got her brother to turn his head and mutter an insincere apology, which she huffed at and threw her liger at him.

"You don't mean a word! Get out, you - you - you _jerk_!" She yelled, throwing the wolf next. Tch, how annoying. Asch pushed the boy towards the embarrassingly pink bed and glared at him expectantly. He sighed and rolled his eyes, then looked at his sister.

"I'm sorry I ate your cookies and stomped on the rest of them, alright? Jeez, girls are so _stupid_ sometimes!" He mutters the last part to himself, but she hears him anyways. New tears sprout from her eyes and she falls into her pillow, sobs racking her body. Asch snarls and hits the boy again, sending him head-first onto the ground with a cry.

"You, brat, are annoying me to hell and back. I'm surprised she isn't plotting your death if you're this bad to her all the time!" He yells, then looks away when the troublemaker begins to cry himself. "Stop crying, both of you. It's annoying and it's getting on my nerves."

But it doesn't stop. If possible, it gets worse. One was bad; two was a disaster. He runs a hand through his hair and watches the two children cry, one from the yelling and injury and the other because of her dumbass of a brother. How was he supposed to fix this? Children were beyond him. It was time for his last resort.

"Hey, kids." No response.

"Children!" Both continued to wail.

"_Brats!_" That got their attention, his ears sighing in sweet relief as the two were reduced to sniffling and shaking as they watched him. "Stop your crying and let's go outside. I have something I want to show off."

"Is it a sword technique!" Timmy asked excitedly, tears forgotten as the thought of watching a God-General showing off some of his ultra-awesome moves came into mind. Asch thought for a moment, then nodded. Tini sniffled sadly, put off by the thought of battle.

"It won't be just any old sword technique," Asch said as he eyed the girl's small collection of books on fonons, "it's an arte." That got her attention.

"Are you going to show us how to do an a-altered arte?" She questioned, excitement showing off on her face. He nodded and let a small smile slip. As long as he didn't meet anyone he didn't like on the way, it'd be easy to please them.

* * *

Fate wasn't on his side, apparently. No sooner had they arrived to the park near by did Asch regret coming outside, the sight of a familiar thorn in his side souring his mood. The child on each side of him watched the group of six as they rested in the sun's warm light. Fantastic, _just_ the people he wanted to see. One of them, a redhead, saw them and waved, drawing the rest to look at the source of the sudden excitement. Asch grumbled, then turned left and started the long trek around the damnable dreck and his friends. The two watched as he walked, then ran to catch to him. Almost there. Now, if he could make it closer to the trees before-

"Hey Asch, you dick, you could at least acknowledge me when I'm saying hi to you!"

Asch swore silently, then turned about-face and glared at the pissed teen.

"Do you really think that I'd acknowledge someone as annoying and pitiful as you, dreck?" He asked, ticked off. Tiara tugged at his pant leg and he looked down, face softening just a bit.

"Mister Asch, are you still gonna show us that arte of yours?" She asked, ignoring the other redhead making his way towards the three. He gave a sharp nod and turned to look at the moron in front of him, features so alike to his own. The annoyance looked down at the two kids, then back at Asch with a look of disbelief on his face.

"You? Taking care of kids? Oh man, this is priceless!" He exclaimed, crouching down to their size with a smile. "Hey, has Asch been a jerk to you two? If he has been I'll beat him up!"

"The job requires me to be nice to them, moron." The long-haired teen stated bluntly, pulling the children away. The other frowned and stood, following them.

"I'm just trying to be friendly! Yulia knows that you're not one of the best people to handle kids. Man, I bet you were really mean to them weren't you?"

"Why don't you go someplace you're actually wanted? Like, _not here_. Score, you're annoying."

"Yeah, no. I'm gonna tag along to make sure you don't leave the kids in the forest for Ligers or something to eat."

"Only you'd think of something so stupid as that."

"Only you'd be mean enough to do it!"

"Hey! Asch said he was gonna show us something, so if you're gonna stop him from showing us what he wanted to show us then make like an egg and beat it!" Turin shouted, glaring at the offending redhead.

"Who are you to shout at Mister Asch anyways?" Tima asked, putting herself between him and her caretaker. The teen looked from one to the other, then back at Asch.

"You either brainwashed them or they don't know of your _dark side_." He said to Asch, then turned to the little girl. "And I'm Luke, Luke fon Fabre."

"It's nice to meet you Mister Luke, but Mister Asch was gonna show us something so we're gonna leave now before he kicks your butt." She said, taking Asch's hand and pulling him away from the scene, her brother following behind. Luke rolled his eyes and cupped his hands around his mouth.

"Just so you know, Asch can't beat me in a battle! I'm the better swordsman." He shouted with a laugh at the sight of his lookalike being pulled willingly by a girl two times shorter than him. Asch growled and grabbed Totoro's arm, pulling both of the children towards the forest. Once the dreck was out of his line of vision, Asch calmed himself and let go of the two.

"Go sit down while I prepare myself."

Thom ran over to one of the trees and climbed to one of the lower branches, holding out a hand to his sister. She took it and pulled herself up, and now the twins watched Asch prepare himself by doing small spells to lay the ground work. When it was done and he could see the red fonons float slight in the air, Asch positioned himself in the middle of the field and breathed them in, letting the fonons soak into his being.

"_Burning Havoc!_" He yelled, the fonons gathering and changing the nature of his arte as he jumped into the air, a burst of fire scorching the grass as he struck downwards onto his pretend enemy. The children clapped excitedly as he straightened and pushed some hair of out his eyes.

"That was so cool, Asch!" The boy yelled, sliding off the branch and running over. His sister followed in suit and straightened her dress before joining her brother next to their babysitter.

"Won't you show us another? Please?" She begged, hands clasped together as she tried to contain her joy at seeing an arte changed by fonons.

"No, I have to get you two back home before your mother arrives." Their faces fell at the mention of home, because if they went home and their mom came then Asch would have to leave.

"But..."

"No buts. Now let's go, the woods are dangerous when it gets dark."

The two trudged behind him, whispering to one another about something or other. Asch really didn't care at this point. While the day hadn't been as bad as he expected it to be, he still wanted to drop the brats off at their house and hopefully, with their mother there with them, go to the inn and get a private room to sleep in. The idiot and his friends had already left, most likely to check into the inn themselves. He could already feel the headache that came with them being around lingering in his mind, just waiting for him to try and sleep. So, along with his two little charges, he too trudged reluctantly back to their house.

* * *

"I can't say how much I'm thankful for your help, sir." The noblewoman said, holding out a bag filled with Gald.

"It was nothing." Really. Though it must've come as a surprise to her that someone with the name of Asch the _Bloody _would have her children so happy and well-taken care of. He made a mental note to get back at Sync as he took the bag from her, crouching down to the children's height with a semi-serious look on his face. "Don't give your mom trouble, or I'll come out here and deal with you myself."

Tella gave his cheek a quick kiss before smiling shyly and running into the house, her brother waving as he ran in. Asch stood and nodded at their mother, then turned around and strode in the direction the inn was.

As he lay in his bed away from the others, the God-General couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of sadness at the thought that he'd most likely never see those damn kids again. He turned and laid on his side, squishing the feeling and closing his eyes. It'd be a long trip back to Daath, after all, and he had to have the energy to think of an attack plan against Sync.


End file.
